I think I'd be a really good dad. So perhaps I'm doing society a disservice by not having as many kids as possible.

I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever.

I was in Antwerp - which, I had about 20 shows left at that point - and a guy said, "That's Dave Attell's." Also, Antwerp was my smallest audience, so the guy was right there. I was like, "What?" He said, "Dave Attell does a bit about, 'Why are there luggage stores in the airport?'" I had never seen that, and I would never ever, ever, ever - please believe me - I would never lift material from somebody ever, and certainly not knowingly.

It's just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from each other.

Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff, you get people going, "I didn't come here to have my political views bashed."

In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for banks and those platforms that Bernie Sanders had are good for the whole of America.

I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.