Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

The hardest thing I ever did was get sober. I was drinking two and a half bottles of whiskey a day and taking 40 Vicodin. If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

Playing Augusta is like playing a Salvador Dali landscape. I expected a clock to fall out of the trees and hit me in the face.

Everybody knows pretty much everything about me. I emptied all the skeletons out of my closet a long time ago.

I hunt feral hogs. I try not to shoot creatures. That doesn't do anything for me. But big, nasty, smelly, bristly things with tusks that destroy everything that they touch. Yeah, I'll shoot them.

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.