Playing Augusta is like playing a Salvador Dali landscape. I expected a clock to fall out of the trees and hit me in the face.

I don't want anybody to understand what my depression feels like because in order to understand it you have to have been there, and I don't want anybody else to go.

It's how you deal with failure that determines how you achieve success.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.