Never has my flabber been so completely gasted.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

Everybody knows pretty much everything about me. I emptied all the skeletons out of my closet a long time ago.

Being bipolar and an addict and an alcoholic I have to keep myself very busy. I don't sleep. I am lucky if I get three hours of sleep a night, and so I get up, and my head is full of slamming doors.

The hardest thing I ever did was get sober. I was drinking two and a half bottles of whiskey a day and taking 40 Vicodin. If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.