I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.

Being bipolar and an addict and an alcoholic I have to keep myself very busy. I don't sleep. I am lucky if I get three hours of sleep a night, and so I get up, and my head is full of slamming doors.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

I don't want anybody to understand what my depression feels like because in order to understand it you have to have been there, and I don't want anybody else to go.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.