The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

I hunt feral hogs. I try not to shoot creatures. That doesn't do anything for me. But big, nasty, smelly, bristly things with tusks that destroy everything that they touch. Yeah, I'll shoot them.

Never has my flabber been so completely gasted.

I don't want anybody to understand what my depression feels like because in order to understand it you have to have been there, and I don't want anybody else to go.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.