Hurling looks a bit like a cross between lacrosse and second degree murder.

I have got to do something that makes me focus on one thing, and so I will sit and listen to music, or I will read, or I will go and make ammunition in my workshop. I have just got to keep myself busy.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.

Colin Montgomerie is a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.