We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves.

The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.

How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.

There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office.

Yesterday, the Senate voted to approve President Clinton's decision to send troops to Bosnia. And they voted to change the name of that mission to "Operation Forget About Whitewater".

President Bush insisted that there was nothing in the August 6th, 2001 briefing, which was titled 'Bin Laden determined to attack the United States', that hinted what bin Laden was up to. Bush says that he would have moved mountains to stop the attack. Yeah, but he draws the line at reading a memo.

Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's adding advisers to his campaign team. This guy had advisers? Really?