Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.

Every day we learn more and more about this wacky Osama bin Laden. He lives in a cave and at one time he was a womanizer. But now he has settled down with his five wives and 26 kids, so that's now all over. ... He also had a drinking problem at one time. I believe he went through 'Jihab'

You folks like TV, you watch a lot of TV? There's a show right here on CBS, it's a huge hit. It's called the "Mentalist." And it's about this guy who has a heightened sense of observation. It's miraculous; he's the only guy in the world who can tell the difference between Sarah Palin and Tina Fey.

I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad.

I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

I don't know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I'm on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty?

Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street.