Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.
David LettermanYou know what I love best about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt - and that's just in the hot-dogs.
David LettermanThe night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.
David LettermanSarah Palin, part-time Governor of Alaska, is angry because Michele Obama is encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin believes the government shouldn't tell us what to do. Sarah Palin believes she should tell us what to do.
David Letterman