I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.

Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.

You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.

The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.

The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.