Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'

CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

And tar is washing up onto the beaches - big globs of tar. And people are saying, 'Is that going to ruin our summer at the beach?' No, of course not. You take the big blobs of tar and you use them to hold down your blanket.

The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.

That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.

During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right there. You betcha!