Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'

President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.

There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage.

My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.

Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'

To label Jason Randal a magician does a disservice. You'll think the laws of physics, nature, the universe itself have been suspended. He's as good as Houdini was at his best!

I've had nothing but great friendship to help me through this.