This will be Michelle Obama's last opportunity to try to get me to eat kale.

Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I thought, you know you're at a bad university when your commencement speaker is Whitey Bulger.

Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble.

I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad.

Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.

There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.

Hillary Clinton is driving across Iowa in a van. It's to get to know the people she'll never, ever see again in her life.