I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.

Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie.

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.

Kim Jong Il made his staff call him “dear” and spent the day drinking cognac. It's like I have a twin, ladies and gentlemen.

North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by his son, Menta Li Ill.