John Kerry spent the day reading to preschoolers ... and the kids said Kerry actually lacked warmth and failed to articulate a clear message.

I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.

Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.

I've had nothing but great friendship to help me through this.

Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.

There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.

Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'