There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

Here's some news from Afghanistan. We're sending more troops to seal up the borders. Can we try that here? Three months, 12,000 pounds of bombs and billions and billions of dollars and the highest ranking enemy we've captured so far is an American.

How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running for this Olympics. But here's what happened. We got outbribed.

In a recent interview, Howard Dean admitted that he used to drink and smoke pot. So, now all he needs to put him over the top is a sex scandal.

Sarah Palin, part-time Governor of Alaska, is angry because Michele Obama is encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin believes the government shouldn't tell us what to do. Sarah Palin believes she should tell us what to do.

God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear.

Economists believe there are three reasons why the Russian economy is doing so poorly. One, economic sanctions are working. Number two, low-price oil. And number three, Lindsay Lohan has quit drinking vodka.