There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?

Quiet down, we don't want to wake the Russians.

Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.

Mayor de Blasio said that whenever he goes to a Yankee game he gets sick and tired of people booing and giving him the finger. Hey, what do you want? You're the mayor of New York City. It comes with the gig, pal.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced he is running for president. Ted Cruz was born in Canada, his father fled to the United States from Cuba, and yet Ted Cruz is against immigration. Isn't that odd?

Pepsi has a new Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew. No, we don't have an Ebola vaccine, but we do have the Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew.