Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material.

CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.

I think the one thing I would point to as a primary reason, basically, is that I was a gigantic ass, ... It's the first time I got dumped in my life.

Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.

After my bypass surgery I knew I had to change my lifestyle, and then it occured to me - I don't have a lifestyle.

President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here.

I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.