There is so much oil now in the Gulf of Mexico, and you can thank the folks of British Petroleum for this, so much oil in the Gulf, you can now park on it.

President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also part of his plan to hand over power to John Kerry on January 20.

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that's just the folks here in the audience.

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep.

Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.

Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'