Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.
David LettermanAmerica is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
David LettermanReasons why members of Congress deserve a pay raise: Many big corporations are cutting back on bribes; nearly half the members have never been indicted.
David Letterman