John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.
David LettermanHillary Clinton is driving across Iowa in a van. It's to get to know the people she'll never, ever see again in her life.
David LettermanPresident Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.
David LettermanI got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
David Letterman