It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.

I'm still here. I knocked off another competitor.

The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.

Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.

Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.

Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.