Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.

After my bypass surgery I knew I had to change my lifestyle, and then it occured to me - I don't have a lifestyle.

Quiet down, we don't want to wake the Russians.

I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.

Due to budget crunches, Bush has had to scale some of the programs. He has a new program, 'Leave A Couple of Kids Behind.'

Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.

It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?