After my bypass surgery I knew I had to change my lifestyle, and then it occured to me - I don't have a lifestyle.
David LettermanVladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.
David LettermanRemember evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin? He vanished for 10 days. He had disappeared and there were a lot of rumors. One rumor was he had disappeared because he had himself executed.
David LettermanHere's a woman, a real pioneer for other women looking for careers in stand-up comedy. And talk about guts - she would come out here and sit in this chair and say some things that were unbelievable - where you would have to swallow pretty hard... but it was hilarious... the force of her comedy was overpowering.
David Letterman