President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time. It's like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation.
David LettermanThere's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage.
David LettermanYou know what I love best about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt - and that's just in the hot-dogs.
David LettermanThey're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'
David Letterman