Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.

My good friend Paul Shaffer and I are going to continue in show business. Next month Paul and I will debut our new act at Caesar's Palace with our white tigers.

Over the weekend, John Kerry - the big John Kerry juggernaut moves on - he won primaries in Washington D.C., Nevada and, I think, Canada. And he's so confident that he's started nailing that intern again.

The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.

Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.