The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.
David LettermanWelcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.
David LettermanObesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.
David LettermanHillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.
David Letterman