The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds - kind of like his stint in the National Guard.

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.

Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

I love the protests. And if you think about it, what better way to send a message to Wall Street than by sitting in a pup tent banging on a drum.