Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me.

Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis.

Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.

They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.