To save energy, New York City is now dimming the lights of the skyscrapers and the skyline at night. There's a bad side to this. If you need Batman, you have to text him.

A lot of issues were on the ballots. In New York City there was Proposition 14. That would put a ceiling on the number of late-night talk shows. And California passed Proposition 21. That would change guacamole officially to guac.

Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.

President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'

Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.