Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.

Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!

Well, the manhunt continues for that elusive evil mastermind, but I'm telling you Enron CEO Kenneth Lay remains at large.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.

I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad.

In Hollywood, Oscar is king.