Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'

That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.

Love: You can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun.

President Obama is in China. Today he visited the kids who make our cellphones.

Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.

President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.

You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.