Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'

Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.

Do good things for other people.

Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She's spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it's to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.

At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

To label Jason Randal a magician does a disservice. You'll think the laws of physics, nature, the universe itself have been suspended. He's as good as Houdini was at his best!

Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.