Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.

At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.'

Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She's spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it's to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.

President Obama is in China. Today he visited the kids who make our cellphones.

President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.

John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.