I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.
David LettermanEverybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.
David LettermanDonald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that.
David LettermanOver in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.
David Letterman