Stocks are at an all-time high today. I don't have any money in the stock market. I don't have the stomach for the ups and downs. So about 20 years ago I put all of my money and liquid assets into videotape rewind machines.
David LettermanHillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.
David LettermanIt's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
David Letterman