The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

Don't worry about me. I plan to continue to be in show business. I have already been booked to be in a production of 'The Sunshine Boys' with Jay Leno.

Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!

Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker.