George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.

The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.

Critics of the Wall Street protesters claim that they have old ideas, nothing new, and they're never going to work. Wait a minute., that sounds like this show.

Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.

Did you folks see President Bush's State of the Union Address? How about that surprise announcement? Howard Dean has been captured and he's in the hands of interrogators.

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that's just the folks here in the audience.