Right after the show tonight, I'm going to the New York City car show. You get to see the models that will be crashed next year by drunken Secret Service agents.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

The first presidential debate was down in Florida. Residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.

Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If you want to contact Hillary, she's at hillary@pantsuit.com.

Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It's full of Hillary Clinton emails.