Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that.

I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.

In just a few minutes, my son will have completed his first trip around the sun.

Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign.

Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night.