How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.

Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.

President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration.

The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.

Reasons why members of Congress deserve a pay raise: Many big corporations are cutting back on bribes; nearly half the members have never been indicted.

President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be Bush's first uncontested victory.

That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.