I'm still here. I knocked off another competitor.

Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.

The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.

Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'

Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."

Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.

My good friend Paul Shaffer and I are going to continue in show business. Next month Paul and I will debut our new act at Caesar's Palace with our white tigers.