Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.
David LettermanI have talents aplenty. Unfortunately, precious few of them have any redeeming social value.
David LettermanMonday is President's Day and former President Bill Clinton is very excited. He is taking George Bush, Sr. to 'Hooters'. ... George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton have been spending more and more time together. Doesn't that seem like an unusual couple to you, honestly? Earlier today they went to go see that gay cowboy movie.
David LettermanObesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.
David Letterman