Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.
David LettermanEverybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.
David LettermanNumber one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis.
David Letterman