We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting to the root of his intense anger. And they say bin Laden never spends the night in the same place twice. No, wait a minute, that's Clinton.

The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.

Kim Jong Il made his staff call him “dear” and spent the day drinking cognac. It's like I have a twin, ladies and gentlemen.

I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.

Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.

Are you excited about the recall election? Arnold's campaign has a new slogan: 'Win one for the groper.'

One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.