That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.
David LettermanIt was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam.
David LettermanYou know what I love best about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt - and that's just in the hot-dogs.
David LettermanDid you hear this? They say now Osama bin Laden and his buddy Mullah Omar have left Afghanistan dressed as women. They dressed up as women and went across the border into Pakistan. I think they're going to make a movie about it. They're going to call it 'Some like it Jihad.'
David Letterman