A lot of people think I'm retiring, but I've been telling a fib. I've been forced to leave this job because I gave $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation.

You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.

What a day. It's 53 and gloomy - like President Obama.

According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'

That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.

In a recent interview, Howard Dean admitted that he used to drink and smoke pot. So, now all he needs to put him over the top is a sex scandal.

Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material.