Do good things for other people.

The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.

This Osama bin Laden, now they say he has had plastic surgery. They say he sneaked across the border into Pakistan, which by the way is the place to go to have plastic surgery. He looks great. A tourist came up to him earlier this week and said, 'May I have your autograph, Mr. Hasselhoff?'

Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?

The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.

Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

When we started the show, there were mixed responses. Half of the people said, 'That show doesn't have a chance.' The other half said, 'That show doesn't have a prayer.'