Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Iowa, virtually going door to door to every home in Iowa. Jehovah's Witnesses finally got fed up and said, 'Get lost. Get out of here!'

The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.

Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

Monday is President's Day and former President Bill Clinton is very excited. He is taking George Bush, Sr. to 'Hooters'. ... George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton have been spending more and more time together. Doesn't that seem like an unusual couple to you, honestly? Earlier today they went to go see that gay cowboy movie.

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that's just the folks here in the audience.

I think you can use some of those words on TV. But one thing you can't do is throw coffee, I've said it over and over again!