This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.

The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds - kind of like his stint in the National Guard.

You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.

Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One.

John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.

The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.