Let's have some wine, go upstairs, and look at my money.

Reasons why members of Congress deserve a pay raise: Many big corporations are cutting back on bribes; nearly half the members have never been indicted.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

This will be Michelle Obama's last opportunity to try to get me to eat kale.

John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for.

Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'

The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.