President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33 and then he'll be ready to go.

Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.

George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.

The new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It's almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup.

One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.