There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage.

Let's have some wine, go upstairs, and look at my money.

I heard this today and I thought this was fascinating and interesting. President Bush has two daughters, two beautiful daughters, and they may work on their father's presidential campaign after they get out of college and I thought, well, that's a pretty good move because in this economy, they won't be able to find real jobs.

Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.

Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I thought, you know you're at a bad university when your commencement speaker is Whitey Bulger.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is now governor of California. He is a very shrewd man - he already has all of his sex scandals behind him.

Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.