Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street.

You know what I love best about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt - and that's just in the hot-dogs.

Here's what the kids get. They get free McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken for a year, and 52 six-packs of Pepsi. And I'm thinking, well, actually, it might be healthier if they were taking steroids.

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep.

Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.

Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.