The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.

You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.

You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.