Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats.

North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by his son, Menta Li Ill.

One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.

You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain.

President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be Bush's first uncontested victory.

Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats.