We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.

You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is back home in the United States. And we sent them some prisoners. The deal still has to be approved by President Obama and Bud Selig.

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

A lot of people think I'm retiring, but I've been telling a fib. I've been forced to leave this job because I gave $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation.